On why the phrase “Happy birthday, Tom.” is insulting.

A phrase coined to wish someone well on the anniversary of their day of birth. We all know it, we’ve all said it, including me. For all the good intentions carried in that phrase, those intentions are irrelevant if there’s nothing ‘happy’ about ones birthday. It hurts me, I find it offensive, I fucking hate the day, it sometimes brings me to tears just thinking about that, and then someone just throws that in my face without regard to how I feel, just because it’s a ‘social convention’.

No more of this for me, my date of birth is forever tarnished by turning into a shitstorm of verbal and physical abuse for years. Ever had the feeling you could cut the ‘atmosphere’ in a room with a knife? That’s what I felt for nearly 2 decades, you can see the storm coming but there’s nothing you can do about it. Saying something or doing something to try to stop the storm would only hasten it’s arrival and put me in the crosshairs of my parents, best to leave well enough alone and be as inconspicuous as a child has the ability to be, don’t stand out ‘or else’.

That feeling of powerlessness is what hurts me the most, after so much abuse for so long it’s clear that I’m stuck with that for the rest of my life. All I can do now is deal with the consequences, they won’t be going away and it took me considerable effort just to recognize this and acknowledge it. Thankfully, the folks from mental healthcare are awesome at helping me out, a credit to their respective professions is what they are.

And now for the shitty part. All of the above applies to any and every holiday. So no, christmass is not merry, easter is not happy, newyear’s eve is not happy, I could go on but you likely get the point.

So, please, don’t make a big deal out of any holiday or my birthday, there’s too much baggage attached for me to ignore, treat those days as any other day around me, that’d make me feel better, it certainly is better than getting that shitstorm of bad rubbed in my face, again. That’ll make me a liar, since I’m already uncomfortable on those days, I’ll avoid confrontation and just nod and smile along, not meaning a single thing and I’m fed up with my own dishonesty and denial about this, I hate myself enough as is, no need to pile it on.

If you can’t be nice on a generic day, you can sod right the fuck off on all those ‘special’ days, I have no problem throwing a friendship like that under the bus, I have done before and that’ll likely happen again.